


A Matter Of Urgency

by ReaderMagnifique



Series: University Oneshots [4]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Muggle, F/M, Texting, tragic backstory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-16
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-03-14 06:27:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28790952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ReaderMagnifique/pseuds/ReaderMagnifique
Summary: James: please helpLily: What’s wrong?Are you okay???James: i need a tragic backstory and i need it now.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter
Series: University Oneshots [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1883563
Comments: 16
Kudos: 84





	A Matter Of Urgency

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to the book club for the bet inspiration it was so good and I ended up writing way more than I expected to.

James: please help

Lily: What’s wrong?  
Are you okay???

James: i need a tragic backstory and i need it now.

Lily: …

James: for the record i have never been more serious about a thing in my life.

Lily: I almost spat tea on my laptop.  
Because I was worried for you.  
I almost spat MY TEA onto NICK MILLER.

James: okay  
for that i am sorry  
truly  
but this is a matter of urgency

Lily: I have put my tea to one side.  
You have my attention.  
Be brief, Potter.

James: lily its me

Lily: LOL  
True true true.  
Okay, I am genuinely listening now.  
Hit me with your problem.

James: sirius is picking a christmas film and he must be stopped  
right now

Lily: I want to say it won’t be that bad, just let him pick  
BUT  
It is Sirius

James: lily  
its worse than you can possibly imagine  
he’s going to pick elf

Lily: NO!!!

James: EXACTLY!!!

Lily: Unacceptable  
I’m calling 999

James: HE DOESN’T EVEN LIKE IT  
HE DOES IT TO BETRAY ME  
he does this E V E R Y Y E A R ! ! ! !   
because even the title page makes me flinch  
and because he is an arse  
I AM WORD PERFECT ON THIS ATROCITY!!!

Lily: That’s abuse

James: but he gets away with it because he has a tragic backstory  
and i am not questioning the validity of it  
i would never  
but right now i need something bigger  
a validier one, if you will  
because i know he is going to pull this shit when we go home too  
and mum will say yes  
and make me sit through it AGAIN  
and i don’t think i can survive elf twice in one year  
let alone one month

Lily: That would be traumatizing

James: it is

Lily: And obviously both Sirius and your mum are immune to your eyebrow raising debility and subsequent heartbreak.

James: cold and unfeeling monsters that they are

Lily: But you’re in your flat right now.

James: yeah

Lily: Presumably in one of your rooms.

James: we’re all in my room

Lily: Then it’s your room – your rules.

James: i also lost a bet.

Lily: The plot thickens.  
Also why are you betting with Sirius?  
That is the worst idea you’ve ever had.

James: debatable

Lily: You rarely have bad ideas, so jot that down.

James: oh i will  
i’m dedicating a page of my diary to this  
the day that lily evans complimented me  
the stars aligned this day

Lily: Lies and slander  
I compliment you all the time

James: you do, and it is much appreciated  
but i’m still searching for that tragic backstory  
do you reckon sirius would sympathise with my unfulfilled need for compliments?   
i just asked, he snorted and said “just read everything evans writes on your insta feed”

Lily: I feel called out.

James: lol

Lily: Sirius is just jealous because I don’t lavish the same attentions on him.  
It would be a more productive use of my time to go to a zoo and compliment a peacock.  
What bet did you lose?

James: doesn’t matter

Lily: Why not?

James: it’s a mundane and not at all amusing story  
not even a story  
you definitely wouldn’t be interested

Lily: You are definitely the worst liar I have ever met.

James: AN INSULT  
IMPUGNING MY HONOUR  
OH THE AGONY  
just checked with sirius it didn’t work  
he agrees with you

Lily: What was the bet?

James: it’s completely irrelevant

Lily: JAMES!

James: OKAY FINE!  
do you know binns?

Lily: What did you do to your bin?

James: no, he’s a lecturer here  
professor binns  
teaches remus for history  
remus hates him because he’s incompetent and hasn’t the faintest idea how to teach a class  
^that is a direct remus quote by the way

Lily: #BinBinns

James: lol remind me to tell remus that when he’s less cross with us

Lily: Why is remus cross with you?

James: ANYWAY back to binns  
he notices nothing  
someone once watched most of die hard on the front row with no headphones and binns didn’t notice!!!

Lily: W o w.

James: remus was tearing his hair out over the guy   
so sirius thought

Lily: That’s already bad enough.

James: that maybe  
remus needed moral support

Lily: Tell me you didn’t.

James: in my defense, i didn’t know where we were going until we got to remus’ class  
he was not impressed  
remus, not binns  
remus may be cross but he’s also RIGHT this guy is on another planet lily!  
that or he’s already dead and just didn’t notice that he hadn’t died all the way yet

Lily: Ahahahaha!

James: so we waltz in and sit on either side of remus  
i’m a considerate person so i’m sat behind a desk but sirius is fully in the aisle  
and binns doesn’t see  
so sirius is doing different things to get his attention  
flirting loudly with someone behind him  
stealing sellotape and throwing balls of it at the ceiling to see if they would stick  
getting rid of his chair and sitting on the floor   
remus is planning an efficient double murder and working out his alibi while taking notes on the fall of rome  
so i tell sirius to knock it off because its not working and i’m not keen on dying this week

Lily: So far in this story I’m only invested in Remus’ character.

James: so then sirius says “i bet you can’t get his attention either”

Lily: Okay, I’ve connected the dots here.

James: well of course, at this point it’s obvious what needs to be done.  
but sirius stipulates i can’t just jump up on the desk and scream my favourite lavender banana bread recipe at the top of my lungs  
it has to be “within reason”

Lily: You’re trying to tell me that you, James Potter, failed to be a distracting presence?

James: lily i did EVERYTHING  
obviously the first thing i did was put my phone on record so remus didn’t have to worry about getting distracted and missing important notes  
so after that he was less murdery and more inclined to maim or seriously injure me  
but seriously i couldn’t get this man to even stutter over his lecture notes  
i made a pyramid out of remus’ stationary  
i sat with sirius in the aisle and balanced as many small items as possible on his various limbs and head  
i went around the room and took a poll on everyone’s favourite highlighter colour  
we made a toga for sirius with paper and sellotape  
one girl was lovely enough to get in on it with me and i did an impromptu hair tutorial for the class

Lily: Oh my god! 

James: LILY WE TURNED A DESK OVER AND PRETENDED TO GO SAILING IN IT!!!

Lily: AHAHAHAHAH!

James: THERE WAS A WHALE AND A MAGICAL SHARK IT WAS INSPIRATIONAL!  
BUT I STILL DIDN’T WIN THE BET AND AS A FORFEIT SIRIUS WANTS TO TORTURE ME WITH ELF   
HE DIDN’T EVEN SPECIFY A FORFEIT WHEN WE BEGAN BUT APPARENTLY THERE IS ONE

Lily: I can’t  
James  
I’m going to burst a lung laughing

James: so my last hope is a tragic backstory that will make him be lenient and save me from this viewing of elf

Lily: Honestly I’m crying  
I’ve actually got tears pouring down my face

James: i’m glad you’re appreciating the depths of despair i find myself in this dark day

Lily I think it’s too late for the tragic backstory  
You’re just going to have to find some means of escape

James: but the windows don’t open wide enough

Lily: That’s a good thing you’re on the tenth floor  
Also there is a door

James: i could have fashioned a bedsheet rope 

Lily: Please don’t try you have a door

James: i escaped  
valiantly  
expertly  
and with no small amount of flair

Lily: How did you escape the torture chamber?

James i said i needed the toilet and left

Lily: Just to clarify once more, you were in your room right?

James: yes

Lily: In halls?

James: that is correct

Lily: Where you have your own Ensuite?

James: sirius also mentioned this  
i didn’t think it was entirely relevant

Lily: LOL  
Come to mine, I’ll hide you under the covers with me.

James:already en route  
there’ll be hell to pay later  
we’ll have to barricade ourselves in to avoid his wrath

Lily: Maybe for several days

James: going off the grid

Lily: Watching Disney on incognito mode

James: do you think we’ll make it?

Lily: We’ll grin and bear it together.  
Keep calm and carry on, James Potter.

James: keep a stiff upper lip evans, we’ll make it through

Lily: I’ll write heartfelt letters to the girls.  
Serenade them with “we’ll meet again” through the walls.

James: we’ll need rations

Lily: We’ll go on a mission to obtain supplies while we’re still ahead of him

James: rendezvous at the lift in now hundred hours

Lily: I’ve got your coat you left on Friday

James: oh amazing, thanks!  
can being without a coat for a week count as a tragic backstory?

Lily: I feel like going to ground and hiding during such a dangerous point in our lives makes for a way better tragedy.  
It can be both our tragic backstory.

James: hiding with you and a hoard of maltesers could never be tragic

Lily: Stop it you flirt I’m coming!


End file.
